Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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