What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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