Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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