How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
