just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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