We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
