I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
