i think i have two assholes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
