Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They took my balls.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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