didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
