If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
