Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
