He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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