YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
