Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
