so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
