I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
