I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
