found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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