You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
