worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
