i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
