I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
