ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
