she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
