The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
