i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
