i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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