You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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