So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
