It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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