this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
