woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
