The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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