this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
