It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
