Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They took my balls.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
