speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
