Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
