Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
