I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
