I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
vagina is talking i cant
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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