I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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