Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
