Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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