Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
