i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I didn't notice because vodka
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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