Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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