I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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