..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
