So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
