my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
