I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
