I'm really into asian looking animals
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
